Here's 10 ways to know you're a member of the LIVETIRED non-movement:
#1. You get less excited to be invited somewhere, and more excited when something on your calendar gets cancelled.
I can't tell you the amount of relief I feel when we just don't have to go somewhere! With four kids four years apart doing sports (some more than one at a time!) you can't imagine the look of our family color-coded dry erase board calendar.
#2. Your teenage daughter hits puberty, just as you hit menopause.
And your husband wants to hit the road! But I think, just like the family stickers on the back of my minivan (which have all family members, pets, and mortgages on one side... and mom way over on the other side with a packed suitcase in her hand) that I should be the one who gets the apartment.
#3. You have more kids than cups of coffee in the morning.
There's nothing more disappointing to me than my kids waking up before I've had my Mommy Fuel. They won't stop talking until I tell them I hear their imaginary friend calling them (the one I made up). He's playing with playdoh in the basement... under the stairs. (It's always pretend playdoh, because I only want to pretend to clean up)
#4. When your little ones want to act out Disney films, you only volunteer to play the characters that die at the beginning.
Yes, Bambi's mother died, and stayed dead, the entire story. This guarantees a little shut eye for Mom. "Honey, Bambi's Mom is buried in the forest (my bedroom), but Thumper doesn't like to play next to the grave, so why don't you and Bambi head to the basement..."
#5. You leave your house looking like you were "about to get ready".
Before kids I never left the house unless I was "ready". Make up on, clean, unwrinkled clothes, shoes that buckle... now I just call my look "I was about to get ready". How many times have you left your house in your pajamas? If you change out of your pajamas, and put on sweats, that's still pajamas! How many times have you worn a down vest, zipped up, to hide your bralessness? Yup, you #LIVETIRED.
#6. You forget things that are written on six calendars, including 2 cyberspace ones.
How can you forget stuff that's written down so many times? Easy, if you LIVETIRED! I've forgotten so many birthday parties, that we have a FORGOTTEN BDAY PARTY PROCEDURE to follow when it happens. I have shown up on the wrong day, at the wrong place, at the wrong time... my kid's have gotten so used to this it's pathetic.
#7. You use the same password on EVERY ACCOUNT YOU HAVE, including the garage door code.
How else will you get through the day?
#8. Your husband asks "Can I get anything on the way home?" and you answer, "Yes! Laid!" You're tired.
And they come up with Viagra? I'm pretty sure that if my husband ever presented me with an eight hour expression of his libido... eventually laundry would be hanging from it. "Honey, those are drip dry shirts... would you mind standing outside in the sun for a few hours?" And there's no Viagra for women! If medical science could just harness the power of my resentment... then we might have something.
#9. Your youngest looks at your wedding pictures and asks "Who's that with Daddy?!"
Who is that woman in the wedding picture?! It must be his first wife... look how happy she is! You might as well take down the wedding pictures, so you don't get sick of that woman smiling at you all the time.
#10. You wish napping could reach the same socially acceptable status as Yoga, including Napping Studios, Nap Poses, and Nap Trainers.
I would pay to drive somewhere and sleep in a quiet, clean room. I am living with a teenager and a toddler in one house! I have one kid that wakes up just as another goes down for a nap. In one moment I can go from "Mommy! Mommy! Watch me! Watch me! to "What the hell are you looking at?!"
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