2. Stuff the Bird: There's no better way to develop a meaningful relationship with another creature than stuffing something tasty inside it's cavity.
3. Keep the Bird High: No, do not blow smoke up the Bird's innards; we're talking about keeping the Turkey out of the Labrador's reach. Please people!
4. Tell the kids a Turkey Tale. If you have a particularly unruly child at the event, set the cooked Turkey on the table in front of him, and start telling the tale about the Turkey who really was a naughty child who didn't listen to his mother. Then start carving.
5. Have Turkey Contests: Can Turkeys fly or not? Try tossing them off tall buildings. See if a plucked bird drops faster than one that still has it's feathers. On the bright side, your bird will be tenderized before cooking.
6. Oil Bird Well: Everyone knows a good oil massage gets the Bird in the mood for a Hot Time in the oven.
7. Do a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving: Want to see how a really fresh bird tastes? Chase one on Thanksgiving morning. It's good exercise, and who knows, you might even tackle one while burning calories.
8. Have a relative you'd rather not sit at a table with? Spray the Turkey platter generously with PAM. Tilt platter slightly in the direction of said relative when placing it on the table. This is referred to as the Turkey Slide.
9. Napping: Why nap after the meal? An uncooked Turkey makes a perfect pillow for a tired head. Rest beforehand.
10. The Thanksgiving-Meal-in-One: Instead of traditional turkey stuffing, place all dinner ingredients inside the Bird: mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie. Bake until done. Saves time and space on the table for decorations.