Countdown to C-Day...
Day 2: Don't shower and dress to shop, just stay in your jammies today, while you shop online. You don't even have to wear a bra. This is not Skype, people.
Day 3: Don't say "yes" to one more volunteer activity. If you could have a toy-shop-or wine "athon" for you, you would, but that would be a "to do" and this is a "to don't" list.
Day 4: Don't answer the phone today. It can't be good news. You can fix it tomorrow if you remember.
Day 5: Don't try to make a fancy pinterest appetizer to take to a party. Buy a box of crackers and some sliced cheese instead. It's not about the food anyway.
Day 6: Don't put out all the Christmas decorations. The ones you leave in the box will seem like new next year.
Day 7: Don't buy special Christmas dishes for your holiday dinner... unless they're paper plates with Santa on them.
Day 8: Don't do Christmas cards this year. People will think of you more than once wondering what happened. Next year they'll be that much more happy to see your card.
Day 9: Don't get your tree too early. It will just dry up and become a fire hazard, and then you'll have to un-decorate it and get a new one, and decorate again. That's 3 more "to do's", and you don't want that shit.
Day 10: Don't look online for decorating ideas. Those photos just make all of us feel inadequate, and even though we are, we shouldn't feel that way at Christmas time.
Day 11: Don't do dinner all by yourself. Make it a potluck or order from a nice restaurant. You'll be happier, trust me.
Day 12: Don't ship any presents this year unless you order online. Do you really want to stand in that long ass line at the Post Office, with heavy boxes and other overwhelmed humans?
Day 13: Don't get "Elf on a Shelf"! That is a to-do list no no! You will forget EVERY DAY to move that little bastard, and that is bullshit you don't need in December.
Day 14: Don't buy any gifts that require batteries. That solves the "Oh shit, we have no DD's!" on Christmas morning.
Day 15: Don't try to be organized. Shit hits the fan all the time. Just be ready for that.
Day 16: Don't buy fresh flowers. People coming over will bring them, and that's nice, because it was on THEIR to do list.
Day 17: Don't go to a cookie baking/trading party, because we all know that is just work disguised as a party. Buy cookies if you want to give some away. They will be prettier than anything you can do when you're tired from chasing kids all day.
Day 18: Don't do a new thing like take the kids ice skating, because if they like it, it automatically becomes a tradition, and then it is tattooed on your to do list forevermore.
Day 19: Don't go see the Nutcracker. It sounds like a good idea, but as soon as you're sitting down and you see all those boys in tights, you remember how long it is and how creepy the giant rat is, and you'll wish you were getting your appendix out instead.
Day 20: Don't go to another neighborhood and look at their extravagant light displays - because after you do, your house will look horribly pathetic when you pull in your own driveway.
Day 21: Don't try to make gingerbread houses with your kids. It's a mess and never turns out well - the house will end up looking like a 100 year old gingerbread shed. It's just an excuse to eat candy; buy a bag of your favorite sugar treat and call it a day.
Day 22: Don't go caroling. It's freezing outside, people really don't want to open their doors, and do you really want to shoulder that kind of rejection so close to C-day?
Day 23: Don't clean your house! People do not see the dirt the way you do, and as soon as they walk in, they will get the floor dirty anyway, and then throw their jackets wherever. They don't care if your toilet sparkles.
Day 24: Don't try to take a good family photo. They just never happen. That is what Photoshop is for.