It felt like someone reached in, removed my heart, and drop kicked it into adulthood.
It's weird to have a heart walking around outside of your body. It kinda hurts, actually. It feels unsafe and out of control.
And I know that this college thing was a goal, but that doesn't change the reality that EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
He won't be walking in with that keen sense of humor and make me laugh, or get me frustrated, or get me to smile, yell, or any of those things for awhile. He won't leave his clothes everywhere, (and I mean everywhere: can't wait to see pictures of that tiny dorm room in a couple days) and he won't play Candyland with his siblings. He won't ask for Potstickers at 10pm right as I'm going to bed. He won't ask me to stay up and watch a movie with him in the basement until 2am, or take me to a late movie at the theater, both things I will not be doing by my own hand.
I will miss all that.
My heart is going to college. My heart is meeting new people, having new experiences, and hopefully, studying a little bit.
Now I have a big hole where my heart used to be. Even these chocolate chip pancakes can't fill it up. God stop me from getting a puppy or another child to cope, please!
I will need to grow another heart. A newer, stronger one. So I can send that heart to college in four years with the next kid.